


Worth It's Weight In Gold

by EmerialynCodeVenice



Series: Djinn Dirk AU [8]
Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Can You Guess That Hacker Chick?, Djinn Dirk Oneshots, Fluff, Illegal Identification Creation, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Jake's POV, M/M, Oblivious Jake Is Oblivious, Recovering/Traumatized Dirk, They Need One, Thousand Year Old Spirits Don't Have Passports, one-sided romances
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-03-05 09:19:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13384800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmerialynCodeVenice/pseuds/EmerialynCodeVenice
Summary: Jake realizes that, in order to travel, you need paperwork. And, guess who doesn’t have paperwork? Thousands of years old spirits like Dirk.AKA: Where Jake approaches a certain hacker friend for a passport for Djinn Dirk and misses a LOT between the lines.





	Worth It's Weight In Gold

**Author's Note:**

> Another Jake's POV, surprisingly enough. Couldn't really have this one from Dirk's, but I think it turned out well. It's a short but VERY important one.

                                                                                        

“Blimey, I can’t believe I forgot!” exclaims Jake, shocking Dirk in front of him into dropping his fork. “Oh, sorry, Treasure. Just realized I forgot something rather essential to our future travels.”

Oh man, _did he_ forget something important! Honestly, he’d been traveling all his life, so he should know better. He’s just glad that he remembered before it could cause trouble.

Jake had been enjoying yet another homecooked meal from Dirk— _he had been encouraging Dirk to make whatever he wished, rather than just adhering to Jake’s own tastes, but Dirk admitted that he enjoyed what Jake enjoyed; what a gent—_ of an omelet filled with shredded cheese and finely chopped ham— _Dirk certainly knew what to do with what little Jake ingredients could procure—_ while watching television with Dirk on the couch. While there certainly wasn’t anything on that Jake recognized— _given that they were in India—_ there were a few channels in English, particularly the news.

Jake wasn’t entirely sure if he should have introduced Dirk to the news— _there were so many terrible things in the world and Jake… Jake found himself wanting to keep Dirk separate from it a bit longer; after all, he had endured and suffered enough—_ but wasn’t willing to control Dirk in any way. He was certain that Dirk had enough of that, even though there were times Jake felt the other was like a kite in the wind and, if he didn’t hold on tight, Dirk would simply float away… but that was ridiculous.

Anyway, back to the matter of hand, they were enjoying breakfast and watching the news when a news report about criminals appeared on television. Apparently, they had been stealing identities… and, well, it should be obvious what came to Jake’s mind.

“We need to get you a passport,” mused Jake, watching confusion grow on Dirk’s face. It was befuddling how his Treasure— _and, well, about that name, it wasn’t like Jake was saying that he **owned** Dirk or anything… it was just…well, Jake really didn’t have a good answer if he was being truthful. It simply felt right—_ could be so open sometimes and, at others, so good at hiding his emotions.

Like, when they went into town that first time and Jake was far too late in detecting Dirk’s fear until it bloomed into a full-blown panic attack. While Jake had been relieved it hadn’t been too bad of one, he was still quite ashamed of himself for not seeing it sooner. As a result, he was trying to be as careful as possible with Dirk’s comfort level and not pushing him too fast too quickly. It would be easier if Dirk would tell him his honest opinion, but Jake couldn’t blame the man for being unable to speak his mind after being alone and at the mercy of others for so long.

_Just thinking about it made Jake’s teeth grit together…_

However, right now, even with his shades on— _Jake was so pleased that Dirk liked them so much even if it was rather peculiar for him to continue to wear them inside; Jake mourned the times he couldn’t see those gorgeous orange eyes—_ Dirk’s confusion was palpable. While Dirk was learning by leaps and bounds— _and, by golly, Jake had never seen someone as eager or as intelligent as Dirk; he truly must have magnificent before, not that he wasn’t now—_ he was still a relative stranger to the modern world.

“A passport is a form of identification that allows you to travel place to place,” explains Jake, waiting for Dirk to nod before continuing. “Without it, quite a few people are displeased.”

Jake scowled, remembering all the paperwork snafus that he had with his Grandma Harley while traveling around. It had been ridiculous the amount that was needed at times to simply walk a few steps across the border. He couldn’t believe he had forgotten.

“So I… need one?” asks Dirk tentatively and Jake nods, glad the other understood.

“Yes, and frankly we can’t leave until I figure out how to procure one for you,” further muses Jake, brow burrowed as he drums his fingers on the side of the couch. “To be honest, chum, your… state as freed spirit is rather irregular in the normal go-around of things. Frankly, there would be very few who believe us.”

“Because Magic doesn’t exist here,” answers Dirk and Jake nods. It was rather incredible to think of a world where _magic_ was an everyday occurrence— _nonetheless those ‘classes’ and ‘aspects’ that Dirk had been talking about when they first arrived here—_ but it certainly wasn’t the way things were done in the modern age.

“Yes,” continues Jake. “So, that means, we need to find someone who is willing to make those papers for you but won’t put up some sort of fuss about the _legality_ of it—”

Jake pauses, grimacing. He… knew who he had to ask. And, while he had no problem talking to her— _quite the opposite, given that she was a valued childhood friend—_ he had generally been neutral in the various arguments she and Jane had about ‘legal’ measures. To do this, he was certainly picking a side now, wasn’t he? Oh well, it was an emergency. He just hoped she could do it.

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it,” Jake assures Dirk as he stands, seeing some unease on the other’s face. Honestly, he worried about everything—not that Jake blamed him. “I just need to call a friend, and I’m sure that she can take care of it.”

“Who?” asks Dirk as Jake picks up his phone from beside the television where it had been charged. To be honest, he hadn’t used the thing for quite a while. He felt bad for not contacting them sooner. Though, informing any of his friends and family about this would be… interesting to say the least.

Jake smiles wryly, feeling a spark of mischief. “She goes by many names,” says Jake loftily. “But, in this case, I'm looking for _tipsyGnostalgic_ — _TG_ if you will.”

 _tipsyGnostalgic_ was his friend’s handle for her… less than legal measures. It was also her pesterchum name, but generally told them that, if they wished for her ‘other services,’ then to call her by her handle—that she’d immediately pay attention then. Jane had been completely against any illegal activity and Jake had no reason until now to use it.

He dialed up the phone before realizing he had no idea what time it was in the United States. Of course, it probably didn’t matter since his friend kept the strangest hours at times. Hopefully, she wouldn’t be asleep or too drunk—

_RING_

_“—smup, *sup? Haha, hic, who’s dere? *there?”_

Jake grimaced. Oh yes, she was certainly hammered.

_“Hic, hehehe, is that you Jakey? Like, wazzup! It’s… it’s your favorite haxxor chick!”_

“Erm, yes,” Jake walks a bit further from Dirk into the kitchen so that he could speak freely. “It’s good to hear from you! That’s… actually what I wanted to talk to you about.”

_“Bout… *about being a chick?”_

Jake rolled his eyes fondly. “No,” he answers. “About your… hacker skills. I need to speak to _tispyGnostalgic_ , if you don’t mind?”

There was silence on the other side of the line until… _“Hic! Why… nebuh thought **you’d** be asking… hang on, give me a sec…” _

_BEEEEEEEP_

Jake winces and pulls the phone away from his ear— _that sudden screech hurt like the dickens!—_ until the annoying sound stopped. He put the phone back to his hear. “What the blazes was that?”

_“Hic! Hehehe… did I scare you? Just… just making the line secure! But ssstilll! Call me TG! And I… I call you gogo… *golgothasTerror! GT!”_

Jake sighs. “Alright, _TG_ , I need your help.”

 _“Gasp! GT… did you gut, get, in trobble? I… I’ll save yer! Hic!_ ”

Jake chuckles. “I appreciate it, TG, I really do. But, no, I’m right as rain over here. But there is a friend of mine…”

 _“Gasp! Did’ja meet someones? ‘ave you told Ja—uh—GG?_ ”

“You know that GG stands for both our dear friend and my little cousin, right?” asks Jake before realizing that he was getting off track. “And, uh, no? I mean, I haven’t had a chance to call her or anyone in fact… why?”

There was a moment of silence over the phone.

Jake worried that the connection was lost or that she had passed out from alcohol. “Uh… TG? Are you there? Your favorite bloke needs your assistance with a friend and all…”

 _“Hic, right! Right… tell… Gutsy later…”_ There was something in her tone that made Jake’s brow scrunch, he often felt it sometimes when all three of them were in the room, but it was like he was missing something. “ _A-anybay… *anyway… whatzit your friend need that needs TG? Hehehe… rhymes!_ ”

Jake suddenly wonders if this was even possible at all, but decided to have faith in his friend’s skills. “I need, erm, _identification papers_ for an, uh, friend of mine… He, well, recently became involved with the modern world and doesn’t, well, have a passport himself.”

_“Gasp! GT… yeur… you’re… dating an eagle… *illegal citizen?”_

Jake’s face flushes. “No! To both! I swear, TG, it’s not remotely his fault. If you can’t help, I understand, but I’d really appreciate it if you could. Otherwise, we’re quite stuck here.”

There was another moment of silence before she speaks. “ _You… you sound like you care about him a lot…”_

Jake blinks, wondering about the suddenly coherent sentence before hearing her drunkenly hiccup again. He thinks about her question before nodding firmly— _and then feeling quite ridiculous because of course she couldn’t see it._ “Yes. He means a great deal to me. And he’s my responsibility, so I must figure a way to get this done for him.”

Jake suddenly realizes that he hears the sound of _clicking_ in the background, the tell-tale sound of tispyGnostalgic’s rapid typing across a keyboard. He wonders how long she had been doing it, or how she could be so adept when so drunk. “ _Hic! Hehehe… of course, GT! Obvisuly, *obviously I’ll… hic… help! Jus… jus tell me the lucky boy’s name!”_

“Er,” Jake swallows. “His first name is Dirk… he doesn’t really have a last name.”

 _“Hrerm, those are rully… hic… important, ya know, GT Should… should I make ‘English’?”_ she asks slyly.

Jake flushes. “No! I, uh, mean, _no_. There’d certainly be a lot of question if so, right? We certainly don’t look enough alike to be brothers…”

 _“Hic! Omg, zat…. *that’s not what I was… hic… going for! Hehehe…_ ”

Jake’s flush deepens. “I know what you were insinuating, TG! I-It’s not like that—”

 _“Duh… *the lady doth protest!”_ She giggles across the line, even as he continues to hear the sound of rapid typing in the background. _“What… what dost he look like?”_

“Well, he’s…” Jake blinks, realization dawning on him. “Wait, you need a picture anyway, right? Here, I’ll send one!”

He pulls a picture up from the few that he’d taken of them on his phone. He didn’t use the device much, but _more_ than found the value in having pictures of Dirk to look at whenever he wanted. He chose one of his particular favorites, of Dirk sitting on the front porch of the lodge with the sun on his face and smiling happily at Jake taking the picture. It had made his heart _race_ then and continued to do so now. He pressed _SEND._

There was a moment of silence.

He waits.

...still silent. 

He frowns. “TG? Are you there? Is there something wrong?”

 _“…nuh!_ ” she says after a moment, making him relieved the connection hadn’t been lost. “ _Jus… jus… ‘ave we met him before?”_

Jake blinks, not expecting that question at all. “Uh… no? I mean, he certainly… came from a place where… he didn’t see many people. I’m rather certain that you’ve never met him before.”

_“Yer… yer sure? It’s jus… hic… he’s a hottie… but… I feel like…”_

There was another a moment of silence and Jake wonders what is going on with his friend.

“Anyway,” he clears his throat, feeling a bit odd, “I can ask him what he wants his last name to be—”

 _“Nope!”_ She giggles across the line. _“Al…already done! Name… name him after my… I think he’s my neighbor? I, hic, don’t know…”_

Jake frowns. “TG, I’m not sure it’s right to—”

 _“It’s ffiiinnnnneeeee…_ ” she drawls. _“Be… besides! I think you’ll, hic, like it! M-meet… Dirk Strider!_ ”

Jake blinks, before deciding that _is_ a good name. Not foolish or anything, actually rather striking and with an air of intrigue to it. Perfect for Dirk. Did she say she got it from her neighbor? Well, hopefully, they would never meet because it certainly wasn’t a common name— _a common name would have been unacceptable for Dirk, he realizes after a moment, despite having not thought about it until now._

“So,” Jake wipes sweaty palms against his pants, realizing that, despite the conversation, this was still _very illegal territory_ that they were playing in. “You can do it? And, damn, I didn’t even think about how to get it here—”

 _“Yup!_ _And… and don’t worry! I’ll… hic, have it sent! Fis… furst… *first class!_ ”

Jake frowns. “Is it safe to have such precious documents sent in the mail? And _across the globe_ at that?”

 _“Psshh… do it all, hic, the time!_ ” Jake doesn’t want to know what those _other packages_ were. _“Jus… jus make sure to chuck… *check your mail, kay? Be dere… week-ish!_ ”

Immediately, Jake felt a huge burden lift from his shoulders and be breathed out in relief. “Thank you so much, TG,” he says earnestly. “Paperwork these days is worth more than its weight in gold, ridiculously enough. Don’t know how I could have done this without you!”

He glances towards the living room, suddenly sure that Dirk would want to thank her as well. “Would you like to talk to Dirk? He’s here, I’m sure that he—”

_BBEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPP_

Jake blinks. It takes a moment for him to realize that it was the dial tone he was hearing and not that strange beep from earlier that had ‘secured the connection’ or whatever. He wonders why it suddenly went out. The reasonable answer was that she had hung up, which she was sometimes prone to do while drunk. Perhaps that had been it? He was quite sorry, but supposes that he had kept her up long enough. Regardless, it was a load of his back and he was quite grateful.

Nodding, he puts his cell phone in the pocket, relieved that had all gone well.

**Author's Note:**

> Did it go well, Jake? DID IT!? There were so many clues and hints you missed man! And you'll probably forget everything again in a few months... sigh. 
> 
> So, despite my ‘attempt’ at keeping the name out, I think we all know who that was on the phone. However, it’s very important that Dirk doesn’t know who it was on the phone. While he doesn’t have his memory—for now— and while it still hasn’t been really revealed yet, Dirk DID have a family before he was imprisoned… before things happened. Things that shall not be revealed until the sequel. Haha, sorry for all these hints but refusal to do big spoilers. 
> 
> Any theories or questions? Or perhaps you noticed a few HINTS in here and wish to converse? I’m open to it all! So please leave Kudos and a Comment and I’ll see you next time on Djinn Dirk Oneshots! We're getting VERY close to where I can start working on the sequel (time allowing).


End file.
